My plea to the universe

Easton2, originally uploaded by soukii.

Easton is a month old, and it has been a VERY long month. I’m cool with it. Exhaustion is what comes with a newborn. It won’t last forever.

What I’m not cool with is people and their comments. So, I’m going to throw this out there to the universe/ Internet in the hopes that people will stop asking me and other new mothers these questions.

1. You look tired, are you getting any sleep? This is just polite code for, “Wow, you look like SH*@!” Yes, I’m aware I look tired, but that’s because I AM tired. No need to point out the obvious, OK?

2. Is he a preemie? For whatever reason, people think Easton looks really tiny. He’s currently over 8 lbs. I think most people just plain forget how tiny babies start out. But please stop commenting on his small size. He didn’t gain weight fast enough the first 2 weeks, so you commenting to me about it just makes me worry all over again, even though I KNOW in my gut he’s fine right now. So please, just comment on his cuteness, OK?

3. You’re taking him out so young? This one usually comes from well-meaning old people, but it is annoying all the same. Um hello? Stop passing judgement. I have 2 older children and a busy life, I don’t have the luxury of just staying holed up at home. Because if I could, I would. Now step-off!

And the one question that I really don’t know how to answer and I HATE the most:

4. Is he a good baby? My first response to this is now going to be, “I don’t know. Can you tell me what a badbaby is?” I mean hello? I love this little guy, but he is a demanding newborn, like most newborns are. Why do you want me to label him “good.” Nobody would ask you this about your toddler or preschooler because you might say “No, they are hell of wheels!” But people think it is ok to ask about a baby, probably because most people have romanticized babyhood, especially women who deep down want another one. They only want to hear the good. I suppose I should just answer “Yes,” but that just encourages the question. He’s not good or bad, he’s a BABY! He’s hard work and I’m handling it, please don’t make me try and label him.

Phew, I got that off my chest.

 

Parenting Blind

One of the things about parenting that I’ve heard over and over again is that there is no “How To” manual. Man, I have never needed one as badly as I needed one this week.

Our kids (8 and 5, girl and boy respectively) play with the neighbor kids (11  and 7, boy and girl respectively).  My kids LOVE playing with them. They ride bikes and scooters and play tag and catch and imaginary things like “bike car wash.” Anytime the neighbor kids ring our door bell my kids will drop everything to go outside. Since I haven’t been feeling well since we moved here, the supervision has fallen to Scott. He usually hangs out outside while they are playing. He’ll either do something around the yard or just pull up a chair in the garage and watch them. But he is outside while they are outside at least 85% of the time. The neighbor kids’ parents? Yeah, we’ve seen them maybe 3 times. They never are outside. They never come over to check on them, since 90% of the play time is outside our house or in our garage. Have I thought this weird? Yes, but they let their kids have more independence than we let ours– example: the 11 year old walks his sister to school daily and then returns home and rides his bike to his school (he’s in 6th grade, middle school). Then the 7 year old walks home by herself. I walk with or drive my kids to and from school daily. We probably won’t let them walk themselves until 7th grade– if that. Overprotective? I guess. But just last week a girl from the local middle school got hit by a car when crossing the street against the light. Kids just don’t have the best judgement. It is something that comes with age, maturity and supervision.

Enough background.

Sunday afternoon all 4 kids were playing outside our house and in our garage. Scott was in and out because I needed help moving some furniture. Nothing unusual.

That night Macy is crying that the 11 year old said something to her that she couldn’t say aloud to us because it made her embarrassed. She wrote it down.

“XYZ told me we should do s*x.”

So upon further questioning it turns out the boy told Macy they should “do s*x” because Macy said she had a crush on him. He then went on to say something about how they could find a quiet, dark place where no one would catch them. They were in our garage with the other 2 kids. Macy doesn’t know if the boy’s sister heard. We asked Owen if he heard anything, but he’s a pretty self-absorbed 5 year old, and if it wasn’t said TO HIM, it might as well not been said around him.

So, Macy is upset and worried that she’s not going to get to play with the kids anymore, especially the sister, with whom she has become good friends. She feels badly that she told on the boy, but knew she had to because it made her “feel weird” when he said it to her. We of course praised her for coming to us.

But now what? Scott wants to rip this kid’s head off. I take a more calm approach. It is now almost 10 pm and too late to go talk to his parents on Sunday. We decide that we’ll go over on Monday night. But what will we say? What do we want? What will be best for our daughter? What will the boy’s parents say? Will they believe Macy? Will they defend their son? Will they deny it as not possible? Will they agree with us? Where is the darn “How To Manual”?

The few things we know about the boy are from what we observe when the kids play. He is immature for his age. We have never seen him with any boys his age. He is not very coordinated when it comes to playing sports. He really seems to enjoy himself when playing with the younger kids, not just “acting” like he is having fun to not be bored. He has never, that we have witnessed, been bossy or mean to the younger kids. He plays as if he is their age.

So Scott and I decide that we will talk to his parents and tell them what Macy said. Tell them that we are going to more closely monitor them when they are at our house. Continue to NOT let the kids go into each other’s houses or backyards. And ask that they make sure the boy understands that certain topics are not appropriate to be discussed with the younger kids.

We also decide that I will do the talking, since Scott doesn’t want to lose it. I HATE that I have to talk because I avoid confrontation at all costs. So I ask that Scott not interrupt me or contradict me when I am talking.

We go over there around 7pm. There is only 1 car in the drive way. The door to the house is open, but they have a mesh security screen door that is closed. I can’t see in the house or the dad when he answers the door. I tell him that I wanted to let him know about something that happened yesterday afternoon. He says OK and then doesn’t move to open the door or anything. I can’t see him or his facial expressions. I don’t want to have this conversation in the blind. After an awkward silence where he is waiting for me to begin, I lamely say, “I can’t see you through the screen.” He says something about his dogs and slowly comes outside. I go to start and then realize this is the first time I’ve met him. So I stop, reach out my hand and say, “By the way, I’m Nicole.” He tells me his name and shakes my hand.

So I tell him the story, after being interrupted by Owen coming across the street and by Macy calling my cell phone to tattle that Owen was coming over.

The dad looks surprised, but not shocked. He gives me very little reaction. Actually, I could have just talked to the screen door and got the same reaction. The only thing he says is that “the boys in middle school are always talking about s*x in the PE locker room.”  He then says that his son knows he shouldn’t talk about it with younger kids. Then he says very little more.

Scott says (after the fact) that I sugar-coated it and made excuses for the boy and he (the dad) didn’t get to understand the full-impact of what happened. I think it is possible that I tried to make it sound a way that would be nicer for a parent to hear about their child. My goal was to not be accusing and judging, just stating the facts of what happened and what we were going to do from our end. Have I mentioned how much I HATE confrontation? I did the best I could. The facts were put out there in as nice a way as possible. The dad gave no reaction except for slightly surprised. He then kind of shrugged, and said ”Thanks, I guess.” He went inside.

Scott is disappointed in my telling of the facts, but I did the best I could for my comfort level. I didn’t mean to sugar-coat it or make excuses for the boy, but deep down I really just hope it was him trying to be funny and not getting the magnitude of what he was saying because of his immaturity. Because if that is not the case, then I have no choice but to consider him a predator to my children and treat him as such.

Macy saw the sister at school the next day and she said that she was standing by the door and heard the whole thing (I couldn’t see her through the screen). She said that her brother didn’t get in trouble. However, no one came over to play last night.

How do I want the situation resolved? Hmmm. I guess I want the parents to not let the boy play with my kids anymore. I want it to come from them, not us, because I should not be punishing my kids for something their son said. If he were my son I wouldn’t allow him to play with the girl anymore for both of their protection. However, if he comes over again to play, I am prepared to ask him to leave, even if that means that my kids are mad at me and that Macy and the sister can’t be friends anymore. Man, this Being- The-Parent-Thing can SUCK!

 

Natural Beauty

Nov 2007 Castle Rock Hike 065, originally uploaded by soukii.

Macy’s hair has changed a lot since she was born a baldie 7 years ago. It didn’t come in until she was 2. It was curly for a long time. Now it just has wave and body. She will HATE her hair when she is older. She has massive cowlicks all over her crown. It won’t do what she wants it to do when she is older… heck, it won’t do what I want it to do now.
Her hair is VERY slow growing. In fact, this is the length her hair likes to be. We trim it every couple months ever so slightly, yet it remains the same. I think it may be thickening, slightly. But it could also be my imagination.
However much she hates everything else about her hair, she should never hate her color. I’m hoping it won’t change, because I thought it would have by now. It has such awesome highlights and lowlights. I know many a lady that would pay big bucks for this color out of a bottle. And there are plenty of women who try to replicate her color(s) in the salon. But her’s is natural. Lucky.

 

Picking My Battles

I have this kind of kid: the one who wears a baseball helmet to Chipolte. It wasn’t worth the fight.

 

Trouble, Thy Name is Macy

I have to preface this entry by saying that I love my daughter very, very much. However, I have known since she was less than a year old that she is going to give me a run for my money. She’s a smart girl, very intuitive, a tad bit impulsive, and very, very stubborn– a lethal combination, I’d say, one that I’m only just beginning to experience. I sometimes wonder if it is because my mother cursed me with the, “I hope your daughter gives you as much trouble as you gave me.” (Side-note: I always answer with: “I hope so too!” My mom has no idea how lucky she was with me! If what I gave her was trouble then BRING IT ON, MACY.  But alas, it is looking like it is going to be a different sort of trouble.)

Let me give you, dear readers, two examples of Macy’s propensity for trouble. Please keep in mind that they occurred over the course of 3 weeks, in addition to the breaking of her arm, which was also a matter of her doing something she shouldn’t have.

Trouble #1: Macy convinced her friend to pee in a cup. She then got the wonderful idea of pouring this Cup ‘O Pee on her brother’s bed and pillow, adding half a bottle of shampoo and half a bottle of conditioner for good measure. When asked why she did this, her first answer was “Because I didn’t have to pee right then.” When further interrogated as to why she thought this was a good idea, she said, “Because I wanted to teach Owen a lesson for waking me up early.” What about the shampoo and conditioner? “It smelled nice, so he wouldn’t know it was pee when he laid in it.” Now, the little friend who did the “peeing” also got in major trouble at home. Her parents are mortified that she went along with Macy’s plan. I’m just plain-old mortified that Macy even came up with such an idea in the first place. Although, if I were to look and try and find some sort of “bright side,” I would have to say that I have always wanted her to be a leader, rather than a follower, and this was a definite example of leading.

Trouble #2: Macy called 911 on Monday night, and then hung up, and then fell fast asleep. So we had no idea she called 911 until the officers showed up at our door at 9pm. We, of course, got her butt out of bed so she could explain to the officers why she called them. This event is probably not so horrible to many people, but the officer started questioning her about her broken arm. His questions may have been innocent, however it felt like he was trying to find out if she called because we were hurting her or had hurt her in the past. Macy was not answering his questions like a girl who fell at the playground. No, not my Macy. My Macy is bored with everyone asking about her broken arm. She usually rolls her eyes when someone asks, and dramatically says, “At the park, doing something I shouldn’t have been doing.” But when it is a police officer, she gets kind of shy and quiet (probably because she’s in trouble for calling them to our house) and just says, “Doing something I shouldn’t have been doing.” And the officer asks, “What?” but he can’t hear her say, “climbing” because she is so quiet now. I quickly jump in that it happened at the park and he shoots me a “I-wasn’t-asking-you” look.  She confirms that it happened at the park.

This dialing of 911 is so irritating to us because she knows better. This is something I would expect from a 4 or 5 year old who just learned about 911. But a 7 year-old who has known about 911 for at least 3 years and knows all the reasons for and for not calling, should not “accidentally” call 911. She later told us she didn’t know that the phone was calling, that she thought it was like a cell phone “where you have to push the green button to make it go.” But this doesn’t fly with me because she dialed several other numbers that did not “go” before she dialed 911. I’m just glad I didn’t say the first thought that came to my mind when the officer told me that someone called 911. Can you imagine what he would have thought if I had said, “I’m going to kill her!” Maybe if he had heard the story about the pee in the bed he would have been more understanding.

 

Broken bone

Broken bone, originally uploaded by soukii.

Hot pink cast!

 

Lots of firsts this week for Macy

First lost tooth: Sunday, Sept. 8, 2007

First broken bone: Thursday, Sept.13, 2007

More info to come later.

 

First lost tooth!

First lost tooth!, originally uploaded by soukii.

 

What not to do in church: #15324

When you notice your daughter is wiggling her tooth, don’t ask to check it and then pull it out.  She will freak out because it is her first lost tooth, and even though she’s been playing with it for over a week and bugging you to tell her when it will finally come out, she’s truly not prepared for it to be actually gone or the blood. (My God, that was a LOT of blood for such a tiny space.)

Macy got over the initial shock and has now been smiling and showing everyone! She is the last kid in her class to not have lost any teeth, so it is about time. The tooth fairy left her a dollar and a note written in tiny letters. Don’t tell Macy that the tooth fairy had to steal the dollar from Macy’s money! (How bad am I? I knew she was going to be losing it any day and I forgot to make sure I had cash! I almost totally forgot to play tooth fairy- that would have been tragic. Although, not as tragic as Macy forgeting to check under her pillow. How she forgot that until I reminded her I’ll never know. She has been waiting to lose a tooth since the other kids in Kindergarten got to put their names on the board for every tooth they lost.)

 

Chew, Chew, Swallow, Repeat

Man, it is quite frustrating having a slow eater. Owen takes so long to eat that we find ourselves constantly hovering over him at the dinner table. We say things such as:

“Are you still chewing?”

“Take another bite.”

“Sit on your butt and keep eating.”

“If you don’t finish, you won’t get to (insert some after-dinner activity).”

“Five more bites of that and three more bites of that.”

“OK, we’ve set the timer, you need to be done or you’re going straight to bed.”

I know this is not the “healthy” way to behave around food with children. It kills me when we say these things. I want him to have a healthy attitude about food when he grows up; not one that’s been complicated with bizarre time limits that we created when he was four. However, he is ridiculously slow.

It is not healthy for Scott and I either! We try to sit at the table with him while he finishes. However, while we are sitting there, we are tempted to eat more food even though we are full. Usually when I feel the urge to eat out of boredom from sitting there watching him chew, I’ll get up and start cleaning up the dishes.

Any suggestions for a slow eater?