Advice for anyone considering a new puppy:

If you live in a place that gets cold, consider waiting until the spring to get a new puppy. If you don’t take my advice, you will be outside at night, trying to make a puppy go potty and freezing your $@s off in the 18degree night! Brrrr.

 

Girls’ Night

I’m going out with several girl friends tonight for FONDUE! (I don’t know why, but whenever I say FONDUE!, I feel the need to shout it, in a funny voice, its more like FONDOOOOO! I think it’s just me.) Excited for the night out, but I’m pretty beat. I worked all day today and, you know I may have a possible case of the mumps,  Hopefully I’ll get in the mood.

 

One-upperness

My mom is a One-upper. If you have something happen to you, she’s had it too or worse or knows someone who has had it too or died from it. Or she saw that same thing on Oprah, but worse. I never really noticed her one-upperness until a few years ago because it is just a part of her personality. In fact, it is kind of like her nagging: she wouldn’t be Mom without it.

However, when I became aware of her one-upperness, I became aware of my one-upperness. And since I could do nothing to change her tendencies, I decided to change mine. I became very aware of when I one-upped someone. I thought about what motivated me to one-up them. Normally, I wasn’t trying to be competitive, but rather demonstrate sympathy and understanding. So, I made a conscious effort to stop one-upping and just be more sympathetic and understanding. I would say things like, “Oh, I understand” and “Wow, that must have been tough!” or “Man, I would hate to have that happened to me.”  

I came to realize that I didn’t necessarily need to share my exact experience with them to show them I empathized. I was more selective when sharing a similar experience. And if I decided to share, I made sure the other party was interested in my story and that I wasn’t coming across as competitive.  

In doing this I realized that some people might not have considered me a one-upper, but that didn’t matter. I didn’t want to feel like I was being my mother. I think one-upperness isn’t so bad unless you are always doing it. For instance, my mom does it for every little thing with every person I’ve heard her talk to. THAT annoys me. It annoys me to hear her do her one-upping with other people because I would hope that my mother would have enough social grace to realize what she is doing. In her attempt to sympathize she comes across as a know-it-all who is more concerned with telling you her similar (or usually WORSE) experience than she is with being a good, sympathetic listener.

I just got off the phone with her and I am just baffled that she is so clueless about how unsympathetic she can be! I didn’t tell her about my sinus infection and I didn’t really know why. I thought I just didn’t want to worry her that I was taking antibiotics for something I had not seen the doctor about. Maybe. But, I also think I knew that I couldn’t tell her how bad my face hurt without her telling me just how HORRIBLE a sinus infection she’s had. All I said is that my face hurt so bad to move my head. Here’s what she said:

  “Oh, remember that one time I had one so bad I had to go to the ER? (By the way, it was urgent care, but I understand embellishing for effect.) I couldn’t move my head. I couldn’t even lie down! Remember, I didn’t sleep for 3 days (<Cough> exaggeration) and could only sit in the chair. That one was really bad. It took days before the antibiotics worked. I had a horrible fever and chills. It was bad.” 

Blah, blah, blah. I stopped listening if she said any more. I wish I could say something to her, but she would be offended. It is her way of showing she relates. I don’t know, maybe I’m being too sensitive. But I am now hyper-aware of one-upperness in myself and I hope that is a good thing that came out of her one-upper habit.

 

To-do list, what to-do list???

Yeah, didn’t do anything about my list, but the family is home and I have been feeling great! I really needed to recharge my batteries. One of my friends asked if I’d been at a spa! Ha! Nope, just 6 days by myself at home. That’s my definition of relaxation!

 

Nothing much. What have YOU been up to?

So, Scott and the kids have been gone since Friday night. What have I done? Hmmm. I’ve slept a lot. Read 2 books (I can’t even remember the last time I’ve read for pleasure!). Worked a couple days. Picked my friend and her kids up from the airport. Played “Navigator By Phone” for Scott when he was lost and had no idea where to go. (If he were more of a “Gadget Geek” I could get him a GPS navigator system for x-mas, but I’m lucky he’s not.) Played “Travel Agent By Phone” for Scott and found hotels and car rentals for him.

As I type this, I think, “Wow, I’ve been pretty busy!” Except I haven’t. I feel like a sloth. I had this beautiful TO-DO list. It has so much on it that I haven’t done. It is a constant reminder of how lazy I am. I should burn it. Except it is too perfect. It has everything I want to get done around here. Here’s an idea… maybe I should just get cranking on it. Yes, that will be my tomorrow. Check back to see how much I’ve done. There are 30 items, and I’ve done 9. Tomorrow I’m hoping to report 9 more done. Deal? Deal.

 

Re-Coop

My parents left yesterday after visiting for 7 days. We had a nice visit, my dad helped me with some projects around the house, and the kids were spoiled rotten. However, I found myself craving “alone-time” today. Time where I wouldn’t feel like I had to defend my every move. Time where I wasn’t stressed that my dad was upset the kids were behaving so “poorly” (to him, anyway). Time where I just wasn’t “on.” So I did errands– mainly returning items that I’d been meaning to return for some time. But to be alone today for a couple hours was glorious! I’d feel like a new person if it weren’t for my darned headache. Oh well, life is far from perfect. Plus, next week Scott is taking the kids on “vacation” for 5 days! Now that is REAL alone time. I can’t wait. Just thinking about it makes my head feel a little bit better. Imagine how great I will feel when I have the house to myself? Ohh, it’s too much to handle right now.

 Nite-Nite.

 

Money & Mood

I got a job a week ago and worked 20 hours last week. I got paid $240 in cash on Friday. Almost all that money is already gone and I’m left scratching my head. I know what we bought and spent the money on, but I just can’t believe how fast it went. Probably because I, myself, worked hard for every dollar. I’m feeling like, at the age of 32, I’ve learned the value of a dollar all over again.

Scott has been bitching about all the money we’ve (read: I’ve) been spending since we’ve moved to Colorado. I would defend myself by saying that it was for the house or kids or whatever. I felt badly that he was getting so stressed about it, so I got a job.

It’s not like I’ve never worked before. I made good money for eight and a half years as a teacher and before that I waitressed all through college. I know the value of a dollar. But when we moved out here and I was lonely, stressed, overwhelmed, or all of the above, I would go shopping. Deep down I felt like maybe I was a little out of control, but truly, I was buying things for the kids or the house and I was shopping for good deals and most of the things were needed. I know I did (and still do) a lot of my shopping to avoid being in my messy house, to avoid having to clean it. I know that that is not healthy. But what is killing me right now, is that it took earning my own money for me to realize what Scott has been bitching about.

It’s not that I thought he was thinking of it as “his” money, he’s not like that. I know some SAHMs are made to feel that they are not worth anything because they don’t make any money– that was not my deal either. It was more because when we both worked if we wanted something, we bought it. We were making decent money, as a two-teacher family, even with our HUGE Southern California house payment and 2 car payments. Unfortunately, even though it was good we didn’t have credit card debt, we also didn’t have anything saved. Man, I think of the money we made then and wasted; sheese, I really can’t do that to myself.

Bottom line, as I type this I’ve had a sort of epiphany: I don’t know how to live on budget because I’ve never had to. Both Scott and I have thrown this word around for years, not unlike the way we’ve both been on and off diets, but we’ve never stuck to it (a budget or a diet). In many ways, Scott is as guilty as me, especially earlier on when we were first married. But he’s been throwing the B-word around a lot more lately and seems motivated to live on one. His frustration with me not being able to “control my spending,” as he says it, has definitely put him in a budget-conscious place. And now, my realization that my hard-earned money is gone has put me in a much more budget-conscious place.

Could this be the time to implement and stick to a budget? I’m kind of feeling like if it is not now, it will never happen. But then I also have this nagging feeling that it is like I’m starting a new diet.

By the way, I love my new job. It is a perfect job for me and my family right now. A lady I know two ways, as a friend of a friend and as the mom of a boy in Macy’s class, opened a children’s consignment shop today. I worked last week to help her get everything ready and will work 2 or 3 days per week from now on. It is flexible. She has a play room and lets me bring Owen to work (it was actually her suggestion). She’s really nice and we get along great. What is really funny about the situation is that 5 months ago, right after my thyroid surgery when I was looking for used dance shoes for Macy’s new dance class, I told Scott, “This town needs a children’s consignment shop.” Scott told me to open one (he was serious, he’s always telling me I should do some sort of business for myself, I think he has way more confidence in my abilities than I do). I told him “no way” because I knew it would involve a lot of work to get it started and I couldn’t imagine being tied down to my own shop, plus I lack self-confidence and I couldn’t imagine that I could make it successful. Anyways, when I heard C. was going to be opening one in town, I told her immediately that I would love to work there if she needs someone. A couple months later she asks if I’m still interested. I told her I was. Then she told me she was going to pay me $12 per hour and let me bring my kids to work, not to mention being flexible in the hours. I felt like the perfect opportunity landed in my lap. I wasn’t supposed to start until she was up and running and making some money to pay me, but she needed help getting the store open, so I worked a lot last week. I kind of feel like I opened the store I wanted to after all, just without the risk and time commitment. It actually is a win-win situation, because C. now has someone who feels ownership in her store, is trustworthy, dependable and hardworking. Can a job be anymore perfect?  

 

Labor Day 2007

Well, it was fun until I ended up in the emergency room with chest pain at 3am this morning.

We had a neighborhood block party. There was a lot of rain and A LOT of drinking (vodka shots and some mixed drink in a big cooler.)

We got home at 10pm. I was really, really drunk- more drunk than I can remember being in a very, very long time. So all night I kept getting up to pee and try and throw up. I really wish I could have thrown up because it would have helped me feel better.

At 1am, after unsuccessfully trying to throw up for the tenth time, I got into bed and started having chest pain. I couldn’t take a deep breath and the center of my chest ached. It lasted quite awhile. I was worried, Scott was even more worried. He called 911 and Ann to come stay with the kids.

Taking me, a 240lb woman, down the stairs in the “stair chair” was probably the most humiliated I’ve been in a long time.

Got to the hospital about 3am. Didn’t leave until after 6am. Not bad time-wise, really. Of course, I felt better as soon as I got in the ambulance, but there was no turning back. After 2 EKGs, a chest xray, lab work, and a CAT scan I was sent home with the diagnosis of “Acid Reflux” from the alcohol. If I had thrown up, this probably wouldn’t have happened. Great to hear.

 

I’m the type of girl who…

buys pregnancy tests on clearance at Target. A box of three tests for $6.98! Who can pass that up? Not this girl, especially when I’m hoping to start “trying” in November.

 

Talk about a downer…

I was all ready to write this great post about how I feel like I’m finally getting some of my shit together. How I feel like I’ve gotten a better handle on the house cleaning and laundry and cooking and the kids and all that stuff in spite of how exhausted and crappy I’ve still been feeling. How I’ve lost 8 lbs and I’m feeling good about that. And as I’m cleaning out my email in-box of stuff that I’ve forgotten to delete… I come across an email that reminds me I missed my friend’s jewelry party on Saturday.  I feel about as big as this: <.>  and at the same time I feel like the BIGGEST idiot. Who knew it was possible to feel both at the same time?

I know how I forgot… I’ve been dragging my ass around all weekend suffering from terrible, low, low, low thyroid-induced fatigue. This is the worst I’ve ever felt and finally my blood work proves it- my TSH 2 weeks ago was 137!! That’s outrageous, especially when you consider a normal TSH level is .5-2.5. My MD wanted mine to be above  50 to do a full-body scan, but he didn’t want it this high! I’m figuring my levels are even higher now, because I feel even worse and I’ve only been back on the thyroid meds for a week and they take 4-6 weeks before they start to work.

That’s not the whole reason I forgot, though. I’ve been fighting through the fatigue as best I can, and a daily nap really helps with that, but we had a busy day on Sat. and I got stuck at Costco waiting for them to find some guys to disassemble the desk we bought. We figure we waited at least an hour and 45 minutes, but we don’t know for sure, because we didn’t think to look at the time when we started waiting because it didn’t seem like this was going to be a problem. Then we had to make 2 additional trips to get the desk home. Scott did the second trip by himself while Owen and I slept… that was the time I could have gone to the party!!

But even that’s not the whole reason I forgot! I forgot because I didn’t write it on my calendar!! DUH. I don’t know how I forgot to do that, because I’ve been so good about putting everything on my calendar. But this didn’t make it. I RSVP’d by email probably a week prior and then I NEVER, EVER thought about the party again. I feel like the biggest loser of a friend. This is my good friend, whom I love and appreciate so much, and how do I repay her? By blowing off her party and not getting in touch with her until tonight by email! Gosh I suck.

Have I mentioned that forgetfulness is also a symptom of low thyroid levels? I can’t remember if I’ve written that before.