I got a job a week ago and worked 20 hours last week. I got paid $240 in cash on Friday. Almost all that money is already gone and I’m left scratching my head. I know what we bought and spent the money on, but I just can’t believe how fast it went. Probably because I, myself, worked hard for every dollar. I’m feeling like, at the age of 32, I’ve learned the value of a dollar all over again.
Scott has been bitching about all the money we’ve (read: I’ve) been spending since we’ve moved to Colorado. I would defend myself by saying that it was for the house or kids or whatever. I felt badly that he was getting so stressed about it, so I got a job.
It’s not like I’ve never worked before. I made good money for eight and a half years as a teacher and before that I waitressed all through college. I know the value of a dollar. But when we moved out here and I was lonely, stressed, overwhelmed, or all of the above, I would go shopping. Deep down I felt like maybe I was a little out of control, but truly, I was buying things for the kids or the house and I was shopping for good deals and most of the things were needed. I know I did (and still do) a lot of my shopping to avoid being in my messy house, to avoid having to clean it. I know that that is not healthy. But what is killing me right now, is that it took earning my own money for me to realize what Scott has been bitching about.
It’s not that I thought he was thinking of it as “his” money, he’s not like that. I know some SAHMs are made to feel that they are not worth anything because they don’t make any money– that was not my deal either. It was more because when we both worked if we wanted something, we bought it. We were making decent money, as a two-teacher family, even with our HUGE Southern California house payment and 2 car payments. Unfortunately, even though it was good we didn’t have credit card debt, we also didn’t have anything saved. Man, I think of the money we made then and wasted; sheese, I really can’t do that to myself.
Bottom line, as I type this I’ve had a sort of epiphany: I don’t know how to live on budget because I’ve never had to. Both Scott and I have thrown this word around for years, not unlike the way we’ve both been on and off diets, but we’ve never stuck to it (a budget or a diet). In many ways, Scott is as guilty as me, especially earlier on when we were first married. But he’s been throwing the B-word around a lot more lately and seems motivated to live on one. His frustration with me not being able to “control my spending,” as he says it, has definitely put him in a budget-conscious place. And now, my realization that my hard-earned money is gone has put me in a much more budget-conscious place.
Could this be the time to implement and stick to a budget? I’m kind of feeling like if it is not now, it will never happen. But then I also have this nagging feeling that it is like I’m starting a new diet.
By the way, I love my new job. It is a perfect job for me and my family right now. A lady I know two ways, as a friend of a friend and as the mom of a boy in Macy’s class, opened a children’s consignment shop today. I worked last week to help her get everything ready and will work 2 or 3 days per week from now on. It is flexible. She has a play room and lets me bring Owen to work (it was actually her suggestion). She’s really nice and we get along great. What is really funny about the situation is that 5 months ago, right after my thyroid surgery when I was looking for used dance shoes for Macy’s new dance class, I told Scott, “This town needs a children’s consignment shop.” Scott told me to open one (he was serious, he’s always telling me I should do some sort of business for myself, I think he has way more confidence in my abilities than I do). I told him “no way” because I knew it would involve a lot of work to get it started and I couldn’t imagine being tied down to my own shop, plus I lack self-confidence and I couldn’t imagine that I could make it successful. Anyways, when I heard C. was going to be opening one in town, I told her immediately that I would love to work there if she needs someone. A couple months later she asks if I’m still interested. I told her I was. Then she told me she was going to pay me $12 per hour and let me bring my kids to work, not to mention being flexible in the hours. I felt like the perfect opportunity landed in my lap. I wasn’t supposed to start until she was up and running and making some money to pay me, but she needed help getting the store open, so I worked a lot last week. I kind of feel like I opened the store I wanted to after all, just without the risk and time commitment. It actually is a win-win situation, because C. now has someone who feels ownership in her store, is trustworthy, dependable and hardworking. Can a job be anymore perfect?
